


That's How I Know My Heart is His

by geneticallymutatedglitter



Series: Drunk Simon AU [1]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Canon Divergence, Drunk Dialing, First Kiss, Flirting (maybe?), M/M, confessions or admitting feelings, drunk simon is best simon and everyone else can catch these mittens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 02:03:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14322108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geneticallymutatedglitter/pseuds/geneticallymutatedglitter
Summary: What would have happened if Nick and Abby had done the responsible thing and didn't take a drunk Simon home.Why can't anything go right for Simon recently? First, he gets outed to the entire school and now he can't even catch a break because he decides to drunk dial his crush. Hopefully he doesn't say anything too embarrassing, but you know he definitely will.





	That's How I Know My Heart is His

I finally manage ~~d~~ to finagle Nick’s phone away from him and lock myself into the bathroom. I sit on the floor, the toilet not far from view, typing in all kinds of passwords trying to figure out what Nick’s could be. I try until the final notice comes up informing me that I have one more try. “I have one more try before I lock you out of your phone indefinitely!” I yell out into the hallway, tripping over the words slightly.

I hear the pounding on the door stop and the frustrated groan of resignation. Success.

I stumble around Nick’s phone, my clouded brain not fully understanding what’s going on, just that the name Bram ringing loudly in my head over and over again. _Bram Bram Bram Bram Bram._ The phone rings for a couple of seconds before his tired voice reaches my ears. “Hey, Nick, what's up?”

“Wow, you sound so cute when you're tired,” I blurt out and my face immediately flushes deeply. There's a beat of silence and I'm afraid he won't talk to me. There is something I just HAD to tell him even if I couldn’t remember what it was… at the moment.

“I MEAN—HI BRAM I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU!” Abby and Nick snicker from outside the bathroom and I give them the best stink-eye I can muster. It takes me a moment to remember that there is a door blocking us and they can’t see me. I make a mental note to glare at them when I am finished.

More silence from the other end—shit I’m really not good at this. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to make this weird! I guess it's pretty weird now, but I guess being called cute is flattering no matter who says it. I just—ahh that's not why I had to call you. Except it kind of is…” I mutter the last part to myself, hoping he doesn’t hear me and hang up. Did I really want to talk to cute boys so badly I decided to call Nick’s cutest friend?

At this Bram finally finds his voice, “NO, no.” A pause. “No, it's okay! Really!” He sounds so cute when he panics. _Damn it, Simon, you need to stay on task._ Wait, what task? “What did you need to talk to me about?” he asks, his voice going back to its normal tone which is also hella cute. In fact, everything Bram does is cute. _Not helping!_

“Oh! Right! I had a mission!” It's really hard to stay focused with this fuzziness still taking up the larger part of my brain, but I think I'm doing fine. “I need to apologize!” After the words come out of my mouth it clicks that that’s why I had started this whole train wreck in the first place.

“Wait. Do you know who I am?” Bram asks, his voice coming out in a soft whisper, and I think that I hear a quiver but that might be in my head— there are a lot of things going on in my head right now.

“Yeah, you're Bram, right? I think I have the right number, I mean this is the number in Nick's phone listed under Bram so I thin-”

“No, no you have the right number, I just thought...” he trails off. “Nevermind. What are you apologizing for?” he says, and I do a double take. I can almost hear disappointment but that doesn’t make sense, so I push the thought out of my mind. Nothing makes sense recently. And I can’t handle disappointing any more people.

“Ah man, now I'm nervous. I can't handle not knowing who people are right now. It's just like blargh and it's hurting my head.” I wave my hand for emphasis, so I hope he gets it.

He chuckles. “I know what you mean.” _Oh, thank God._

“Stop having such a cute laugh. That's making this hard you know! Unless this is on purpose! But I'll have you know I have a policy against falling for straight guys so don't worry! Although I think so because you like Leah. Oh right! The apology! I need to apologize for what I said because it hurt me that you like Leah and I shouldn't take it out on you? Does that make sense? Okay so I'm super sorry that I said that you should just ask her out like it's easy! But it's not easy! You have to understand-”

“Wait.”

I stop in my tracks.

“I don’t like Leah.”

“OH! Okay then that was stupid of me.” My face is burning and I can’t tell if it’s from embarrassment or the alcohol. Possibly both. But I continue on regardless. “So remember at the soccer audition on Monday? You were so freaking cute, it was probably illegal. But that’s not the point. Wait, it kind of is? I don’t know anymore. But like I can’t think that way because I’m a taken man, or at least I would be…”

I hear Bram take a breath like he’s about to speak so of course I have to keep talking because. Wow. My mouth has a mind of its own. “But I could be wrong, and it could all be a joke because I’m an actual idiot.”

“It’s not a joke,” Bram manages to say. “And you’re not an idiot,”

“Look, my dude, I think I can tell when I’m being an idiot. But this guy isn’t an idiot, you have to believe me, he’s really friggin’ smart and it’s kind of sexy. Okay, it’s not kind of sexy, it’s definitely 100% sexy.” I think I hear Bram cough— he probably was drinking water and it went down wrong. That happens to me a lot, and I can guarantee it sucks ass. Poor Cute Bram Greenfeld. “Wait, you’re also smart maybe you know who this guy is.”

“Actually—”

“No of course not, only two people know he exist. I mean I guess more than _two_ people know he exist. But not in this way. Maybe. Oh right! Do you know what the reading is for English? I should probably do my homework. I don’t want Mr. Wise to be maldiscontent with me.” I’m so proud of myself, using a big word in front of Cute Bram. I bet he thinks I’m so smart now. Success.

“Um, I’m sorry? I don’t think you should be doing homework while drunk,” Bram chuckles so quietly I almost miss it. I mean, I guess he’s right because he’s smart.

“Okay, so I’m actually a huge idiot and I thought this guy was Cal Price because of his blue-green eyes. I mean this guy uses the handle bluegreen118 so I’m just saying…”

I slap my face. “Right, but he’s so cautious so he probably wouldn’t have done that. I mean, he definitely didn’t name his e-mail after his eye color. I love eyes by the way, Abby really brought out my eyes today with eyeliner. Oh, but I guess you saw that during lunch today. Isn’t it weird how we have lunch together five days a week, but we never really talk? What’s up with that! I want to be your friend, you seem like a pretty funny guy! But anyway, back to the eye thing. Bram, have you seen your eyes? I mean you use them to see everything, but have you looked at them?”

“Um, yes I see my eyes in the mirror every day.” I hear Cute Bram’s cute laugh and my heart flutters.

“You have to stop that but don’t actually stop that, okay? Anyway, I’m going to need you to look into a mirror, like right now.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, right now, this is important! So, you better fucking do it.”

“Aye aye, sir.”

I hear shuffling and a door open. “Okay, are you looking in the mirror?”

“I don’t know, are you?”

“Holy shit, that’s a good point.” I must have stood up too quickly because the room lurches and I feel dizzy. “On second thought, I’m going to sit back down before I hurt myself.”

“Oh my gosh, are you alright?” I hear genuine concern in his voice, and it’s so nice to know that people care about me.

“I’ll be alright, but only if you’re looking into a mirror at this exact moment.”

“Yes, I’m looking at a mirror. What am I looking at?”

“Your eyes! You have to look at your beautiful brown eyes. I haven’t really looked at them, but I know that they’re fucking gorgeous. So, you better be getting a real good look at them for me.” Oh god, he probably thinks I’m a fucking idiot. “I kind of feel like I’m cheating on my boyfriend. I mean he’s not my boyfriend, _but he should be._ But yeah! Bram, I went to a bar tonight!”

I hear Bram suck in a breath. “Oh, so that’s how you got drunk?”

“Yup! A cute college boy named Peter bought me drinks! He’s mega cute, he thought I was his friend Alex! I mean I met Alex, but I don’t look like Alex. Too bad I’ll never have a boyfriend now. Isn’t that sad?”

“Simon.” I stop at the sound of my name. “I think you’ll get a boyfriend sooner than you think.”

“Do you think it’ll be my e-mail boyfriend? But he probably hates me now. I mean he got me a shirt. Do you think it’s weird to sleep with it under my pillow? Nick says that’s weird, but I can’t wear it— that would be weirder!” I throw my free hand into the air for emphasis. I really hope Bram is picking up on these dramatized cues.

“Why would it be weirder to wear it? Isn’t that what shirts are for?”

“Because he would see me in it, duh!” I shake my head, maybe Bram isn’t the smartest kid like I thought he was.

“That’s… don’t people see you wearing clothes all the time?”

“Um… yes but not this shirt, this shirt is special.”

“Oh. So, you never actually—”

“Why do I always mess things up?” I start tearing up. _Le fuck_. I should _not_ be crying on the phone with Cute Bram Greenfeld. But here we are. And suddenly there’s snot and tears everywhere. But I try to be discreet about it because I don’t want Nick and Abby to hear. I don’t want Bram to hear either, but I don’t want to hang up. I don’t know why I don’t want to hang up. But I don’t want to.

“You don’t mess everything up, trust me.” Bram is just so nice. He’s really trying even though we hardly know one another.

I take a deep breath. “No…” _Sniff._ “I… I…”

“Wait, Simon. Are you crying?”

“Huh? Uh, nooooo,” I choke out before I lose it. The rational side of my brain is telling me off for being such an idiot for crying on the phone with a boy I hardly know. God, this can’t get even worse.

“Simon…” I think I hear Bram take a steadying breath, but I might be looking too deeply into it. “It-it’s not your fault.”

“Yes. It is. God I’m so fucking stupid. I let myself get blackmailed into being Martin Addison’s little bitch. I fucked up. He found my e-mails and he threatened to show them to the whole school. How careless is that? Blue is never that careless! He’s careful and wouldn’t forget to log out of his Gmail!”

“Maybe I’m too careful” is what I think I hear Bram say, but my mind is muddled so I definitely misheard him.

“Ugh! It’s not like you wanna hear about Blue! I’m just being dumb and forcing myself upon you!” I’m so fed up with myself, why am I such an idiot? I seriously need to shut up. This is a train wreck, an absolute disaster—

“Simon.” The sound of my name on Bram’s tongue anchors me back to reality. Tears are still falling and I’m still sniffling, but my mental beratement is paused. Isn’t that amazing?  Bram’s amazing. “Simon,” Bram starts again. “You have to understand that none of this is your fault. You should not be expected to have everything figured out. It’s not fair.”

I take a deep breath. “Bram.”

“No, please hear me out.” I immediately slam my mouth shut and wait for what’s to come. I would listen to Bram talk for hours if he’d let me. “You’re a great person, you genuinely care about your friends and your friends care about you. Honestly, you’re like an actual ray of sunshine, and no I’m not referring to your blond hair. You brighten up any space you occupy, and it’s definitely not fair that this shitty mess is happening to you. You really deserve the world and I guess what I’m trying to say is that any guy would be lucky to even get an ounce of your attention… and the like.” I don’t even know what to say to this because a sudden wave of nausea washes over me. Thinking is hurting my head and I think I might—

I’m so glad that I chose the bathroom as my refuge because I don’t think Abby would have appreciated me barfing anywhere but the toilet. But it’s still awful. Ugh, the bile is burning my throat and everything hurts. I’m not sure what happened, but suddenly Abby and Nick are at my side. I think Abby took my glasses off my face but I’m kind of preoccupied. I think I hear “I’ll call you back” from somewhere behind me. I just feel downright awful and everything hurts. A cup of water is pushed into my hands and I’m so grateful I gulp it down relatively fast. I look around.

“Where did you come from?” I ask the two new occupants of the bathroom.

“I finally found the key,” Abby says as she waves it in my face. Ow. Too much motion.

“Oh.”

 

I wake up to the sun shining in my eyes and a pounding in my head. I slowly sit up and my eyes feel heavy. I put on my glasses so I can take in my surroundings. I vaguely recall getting ready for bed and finding my way to Abby’s couch. Wrapping my Platform 9 ¾ blanket around my shoulders I slowly make my way to the kitchen where I hear Nick and Abby chatting.

“Well, if it isn’t Drunky McDrunkbutt.” I groan as Abby addresses me. “Here, come take a sit.” She directs me to a chair at the table. “I’m going to make you some tea.” I mumble a thank you as I wrap my blanket closely around myself.

“So, how’s Bram?” Nick waves his phone in my direction.

“Um, I’m sorry, but what are you talking about?” All I remember last night is going to the bar, telling everyone I love them, and stealing Nick’s phone. Oh. Wait. Why did I steal Nick’s phone?

“You stole my phone to call Bram,” Nick offers when I continue to stare blankly at him. My face heats up. Did I really do that? I think he’s messing with me.

Abby turns the stove on and glances our way. “Do you have something you want to tell us?” I continue to stare blankly so Abby continues. “Simon. Do you—do you _like_ Bram?”

“No! I don’t know! Isn’t he straight?” My face is turning all kinds of red. I feel a guilty lurch in my stomach.

Abby looks at Nick, so I look at Nick. After all, he knows Bram the best out of all of us. “I—I don’t know. It’s never come up before!”

“Well, he hardly ever talks so I mean…” I trail off. I recall Blue telling me before that he gets so nervous around cute boys that he can’t talk. Wait, could Bram be Blue? Then does that make me one of the cute boys? Am I even allowed to entertain this thought?

“He actually talks more with the soccer team,” Nick muses. Abby’s eyes light up.

“Oh, so is he nervous around a certain Simon Spier?” Oh _god_.

“I just always assumed that he wasn’t comfortable with anyone outside of the soccer team because he’s shy,” Nick counters.

“Okay, can we stop talking about this?”

Abby brings me my cup of tea. “But don’t you like him? Don’t you want to know if he’s gay?”

My cheeks redden as I reply indignantly, “I don’t even know what I talked about with him.” I don’t mean to snap but I’m trying to ease my pounding head. And speculating about Cute Bram’s sexuality isn’t helping.

“I-I’m sorry,” Abby stutters out. “I wasn’t thinking about that I was just excited that you like someone.”

My cheeks continue to redden. “Can we talk about something else?” Abby and Nick look at one another. “Look, my head hurts and this isn’t helping.” But now I can’t stop wondering if Bram is Blue. I’m trying to remember the conversation from the night before, but I’m having difficulty. I blow into my hot cup of tea as I try to remember. I really have no idea what I said to him. I sip my tea nervously, because I probably said something insanely stupid. I’m not sure how I’ll ever live this down. “Shit.”

“You said something stupid last night, didn’t you?” Abby sips her tea and gives me a knowing look. How infuriating.

“That’s an unfair question, Abby,” Nick defends. “He was drunk, of _course_ he said something stupid.”

“I hate you both.” I cover my head with my blanket as I listen to their laughter and claims that they still love me. Jerks. This is homophobia and I’m not here for it.

“But in all seriousness, Simon, you should probably talk to Bram now that you’re sober,” Abby advises me.

“Noooooo.” I’m too mortified to even entertain the thought. “I’m going to hide in my house forever and never come out.”

“But what if we tell Bram where you live?” Nick asks.

“You can’t tell him if I kill you both first.” I uncover my face to glare at them.

“Oh, come on, Simon,” Abby sits next to me and rests her arm across my shoulders, “you have to call him.”

“No thank you.” I shake her arm off. “I’m content to never leave the comfort of my blanket ever again.”

“Dude, just wear the blanket when you talk to him.”

I stare at him incredulously, like, the nerve of him. How dare he. “ _Rude._ And here I thought we were _friends._ It’s not like I suggested you talk to Amy while wrapped in a blanket back in 9 th grade!”

“ _Shut up_.” Nick’s face turns bright red. I smirk while Abby giggles. “I didn’t mean face to face.”

“I know,” I chirp at him. It’s so fun to mess with Nick.

“Wait, is that shirt from Bram?”

I stare at Nick. Did I mention the shirt to Bram? “I don’t know.”

 

So, I end up ignoring the events of Friday night until Tuesday morning. I can’t even e-mail Blue because I’m almost 100% certain that Blue is Bram and I don’t want to make this worse. Or would it be easier to talk over e-mail? No, this should be done properly in person. Which is what I’m definitely _not_ avoiding by sitting in my car until the last possible moment before class starts.

I hear a tap on the window and it’s Nick. Of course he noticed I was out here. I sigh as I let him slide into the passenger seat.

“I can’t do this.” I hide my face in my hands. “This is so mortifying, why am I like this?”

“Dude, calm down. Everything’s going to work out,” Nick tries to comfort me and really, I’m grateful, but I just can’t figure out how this is going to work out.

“But what if it doesn’t?”

“Then I’ll be here for you.”

“I don’t even know what to say.” I look at Nick with pleading eyes.

“How about: ‘Hey, Bram, remember that call on Friday night? Yeah, we should make out in the locker room, like right now.’”

I actually laugh at that. Maybe talking to Bram won’t be completely awful. Except now I have to suffer through English class without staring at Bram the entire time. Because we can’t exactly talk in the middle of class. This sucks. I won’t be able to talk to him until lunch. Which means I keep going over what I should say. I contemplate hiding in the bathroom during lunch. But I suck it up because I need to get to the bottom of this. So, I intercept Bram at his locker before lunch.

“H-hey, Bram,” I manage to squeak out because I’m classy like that.

“Oh, uh, hi?” Bram winces, I mean I guess I don’t blame him. This is insanely awkward.

“Can, uh, can I talk to you?” I take a steadying breath before I add, “Privately, I mean.”

Oh dear lord, my face is hotter than the Sahara desert and I want the floor to open up and swallow me whole. But I swear Bram is blushing as well as he nods. There’s no turning back as I lead him to the dressing rooms in the auditorium. I’m all jittery as I close the door behind me. “So…” I draw out the syllable.

“So…” Bram can’t even look at me.

“Ugh, okay. I’m just going to say it.” I smush my face between my hands briefly before continuing. “I’m so sorry for calling you on Friday night, that was a stupid decision.”

“Oh, I’m not upset by that.”

“You’re… not?” I can’t believe this, this must be some kind of joke.

“I mean, I’m kind of disappointed you didn’t call me sooner.” Bram looks nervous as he smiles at me. And holy shit, my brain might short circuit.

“I… don’t understand? I never even had your number, I had to steal Nick’s phone,” I point this out to him. Has he forgotten that this is the most we’ve talked since we’ve met?

“Oh, but you did.” He flashes me a mischievous smirk. It’s basically irresistible and I don’t know what to make of it.

“Nick literally wrote down your number for me.” I just stare at Bram, this is making little sense to me.

“It might not have been in your phone, but you had it.” He’s very persistent about this, but I’m still very much clueless. He sighs.

“I’m sorry I’m such a fucking idiot.”

“No, you’re not.” And Bram tentatively puts a hand on my shoulder to comfort me. This is so strange and exhilarating. I almost think I’m imagining everything.

“You’re Blue, aren’t you?” The words spill out of my mouth before I can even think about what I’m saying. Bram looks stunned. Maybe I’m wrong…? But his expression slowly morphs into a smile of adoration.

“And you’re Jacques,” he says and he meets my gaze. My cheeks are burning and this is definitely not how I imagined we would reveal ourselves. This is so embarrassing. Maybe he won’t mention- “So e-mail boyfriend, huh?” I’ve literally never been so mortified in my life. This is where I die.

I bury my face in my hands. “Is this some sort of joke? Did I really say that?”

“Yes, you said that.” Bram takes my hands away from my face and looks into my eyes. I’m still embarrassed but I don’t look away for another minute before I sit against the wall and bury my face in my arms.

“Why can’t anything work out the way I want it to lately?” I feel Bram sit beside me.

“Oh, are you… are you upset that it’s me?” he says so quietly and he sounds so hurt. My head snaps up at him as if he’s just slapped me.

“That’s not- no, definitely not, I’m actually thrilled that the cutest boy on the soccer team likes me,” I rush out before adding, “I’m just so upset that I drunk dialed you and said so many embarrassing things and I can’t seem to get my shit together.”

I’m so grateful that Bram’s smiling again. It’s such a beautiful smile that I can’t seem to stop staring at. I wonder what his lips taste like.

“You never took the shirt of the bag, did you?” Bram breaks me out of my reverie.

“Is this a friggin’ call out?” I’m not sure how much redder my face can become.

“Well, maybe if you weren’t such a weirdo you would have noticed the note inside,” Bram teases me. _He’s actually teasing me_. God, he’s so cute.

“A note?” Because I have to ask.

Now it’s his turn to blush, “I,” he clears his throat, “wrote what I like about you and gave you my number.” I really am an idiot. I could have had his number all along. We could have been texting. All of this could have been avoided. I don’t even know what to say to this. Mainly because Bram looks so cute and I want to kiss his face off. But that might be weird. I’m weird.

“You mean I got a cute guy’s number and I didn’t even notice?” I blurt out incredulously. Bram chokes and I think his face is heating up to temperatures that rival the sun.

“I might actually die if you keep calling me cute,” he manages to say in such a bashful way while averting his eyes. Cute.

“Well, that wouldn’t be good.” I take his hands and catch his eyes with mine. “Because then I really wouldn’t have a boyfriend.”

Bram just stares at me like he can’t believe I had just said that (as if the cute bastard hadn’t teased me earlier about calling him my e-mail boyfriend). I almost don’t believe that I was so bold. My eyes flick to his lips. And I know that I said that I can’t imagine a situation where I wouldn’t want to kiss his face off the moment we met, but now I’m beyond nervous. It’s like we’re locked in this trance that neither of us seem to be able to shake ourselves out of. Bram finds his voice first. “Can I kiss you?”

I lean forward and grab his shirt as I bring my lips to his in response. He hesitates at first before returning the kiss. His lips are soft and I realize I could get intoxicated on the taste of him. Definitely better than Oreos. His hands find their way to my back to pull me closer. I gladly let myself get swept away at the touch of his hands on me and I never want this moment to end. All too soon, we break apart and I rest my forehead against his. “Yes,” I whisper breathlessly, letting go of his shirt. His adorable chuckle is even cuter in such a close proximity.

“I kind of gathered that, yeah.” He grabs my hands and hoists me up. I stumble a little because my legs feel like mush, but Bram is surprisingly steady. “Come on, let’s go get some cake.”

My mind short-circuits. “Cake?” Oh no, is that gay code for something? My mind is going through several possibilities as I get lost in Bram’s soft, twinkling brown eyes. I think I may have discovered my favorite color.

“I believe there should be two sheet cakes in the cafeteria.” _Oh. Duh. Get it together, Spier._ It’s in that moment that we both notice we’re still holding hands. I notice Bram getting sheepish again. “Is… is this okay? I mean—”

“ _God_ yes,” I tell him before I kiss him again. Yup, I could definitely get drunk on Bram’s kisses.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic I've ever posted on the internet. Shout out to my friend Lux for helping me do major upheavals while writing and another shout out to Mack (evensdramaticshenanigans) for being the bomb.com and being my beta <3
> 
> feel free to follow me on [tumblr](http://geneticallymutatedglitter.tumblr.com)


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